Saying Goodbye

My Dearest Sister,

Although you are gone from my reach and I am no longer able to touch your sweetness, your warm and loving face; mercifully, I can still picture your beauty in my mind. Nothing can ever remove the memories of my courageous, sensitive, and most precious sister.

Mary Beth Maurer
4/5/1954 ~ 9/29/2001

Oh how I loved you, Mary. When we were little, growing up as we did, all we really had was each other. I never thanked you for taking my punishment after I melted the hairbrush by sticking it up in the shade of the table lamp, creating a mess for mom. Before the belt came my way, you yelled out that you put it there. How just like you dear sister, to take my punishment. I wonder how many more thrashing you took upon yourself. My fear is that you died never knowing how much you were loved. I tired so hard to share my heart with you. In every letter written, every message sent, and every phone call, I said, "I love you." If only you could have felt my love, maybe then you could have given permission to love yourself. You have always been and always shall be my protector. I just wish I could have protected you.

I miss you, Mary. Most of all, I miss your contagious laughter. I could pick out your unique giggles as soon as I entered a room. You were always the first one to get the joke and you wouldn't stop laughing until everyone was laughing with you. Your sense of humor was as unique as it was unchallenged. You were funny at times, without intention, but you would be the first to laugh at yourself. You taught me to see the humor in my shortcomings. I miss your beautiful singing voice, sweet Mary. I remember when you tired so patiently to teach me to sing. Oh, you poor thing! You had the patience of a saint. You never winced or criticized my attempts. (Although, I did notice you sang a little louder when my harmony part came up.) Unfailingly, you never made me feel inferior. When you became so very ill, I was in denial. I am sorry for not being as supportive as I should have been. I just didn't think I would lose you. I thought we would have more time to say all that needed to be said. I didn't realize our time would be cut so mercilessly short. I am sorry Mary. I am sorry for not saying what I should have said sooner. So, I will say it now.

Mary, I loved you with every part of my being. You ARE my sister. You remain my sister even through death. Throughout your struggles in life, I have always been there. Maybe I didn't understand as much as you would have liked but my love didn't need to understand. It only needed you. That's all I ever needed Mary - just you. It has been my honor to call you sister. Not a day goes by without you on my mind and in my heart. I have been blessed to have you in my life, even if only for a blink of an eye.

From my heart---to yours, in God's arms,
Your little sister,
Fran